why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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