you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
