soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
