After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
this just has baby written all over it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
