Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
