jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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