WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm both gender and math confused
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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