I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
