my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
