There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
