He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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