I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Barsexuality is the new black.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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