Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
