I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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