OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You are a genius and a whore.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
