Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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