I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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