Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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