I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
