my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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