You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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