at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
