Kiss
Puke
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
