Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
