im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
