So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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