so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
