My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
