the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
