I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
