I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
