yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
