The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
