Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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