so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
