He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
do herpes really smell.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
