12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
