My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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