If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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