In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
