And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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