Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just found puke in my bra..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
