There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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