singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
