But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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