They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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