Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
operation harelip BJ is a go
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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