can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
