Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
