He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You pole danced in your parka.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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