Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
