i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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