I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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