three words: i give head
three words: not that well
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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