Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
