no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
