Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
